I had a few beers today. All I can think about is playing with myself.. And having a baby.. fml

I want to have a child so badly. I could have a baby.. I could support it, maintain a relationship with the father, and be the best mom ever. I want to marry my boyfriend, have his babies, and grow old together. He wants it too.. But we are so young.. His best friend may be having a baby(they aren’t sure yet). So why can’t we? My boyfriend is way more responsible and actually wants to be a dad! Why can’t we be 5 years older when it’s “okay” to reproduce?

I can see two things happening to me… Go to college undecided and take a bunch of music classes…. Go where life takes me.
Or get pregnant and raise a family. It’ll be hard but given my situation it wouldn’t be so bad.
I don’t know though.. I can’t see myself doing anything past the end of the month.. Who knows if my period will come or if I’ll score high enough on the SATs… I want to get into a good school and make something of myself because that is what is expected of me. But I want to have a baby.

Why must I be so unusual?

I want so badly to be a mother. To listen to my child scream for love and attention., to make a person inside my body… To have my newborn use my boobs as head support after a late night wake up.. It is everything that people complain about that makes me want to be a mother, have a family.. Oh life.

I was talking to Danny about how I feel old because my cousins baby is turning 2 this month.. She knows me and says my name whenever she sees my picture. I can’t wait to hang out with her tomorrow!!! And he asked when we will have our first baby.. I melted. I said ‘we could continue the trend and wait until she is 13/14 then he said no, more like 3/4 :) I think he ovulates on the same days as me cause we both get really maternal at the same time :p

Lately I have been paying more attention to my own body. It seems that I know my cycle like a champ. Which is driving me crazy! My sex drive really goes wild when I ovulate, and I do get extra moody before my period. Sorry if this is tmi for some, but I’m not concerned for those who can’t handle a little biology. But because of this new awareness I know the approximate time that I could get pregnant. I want a baby so much more than anything in life. And having a boyfriend who is committed to me 100% and I to him.. It makes it that much easier to make that happen. I know it’s dumb to make it happen right now.. But I can’t help what I want. We would have beautiful children too! My heart aches over this. So whenever I can get pregnant easily.. When he touches me every nerve is on end. I want to take him where he stands. But instead I push him away so I don’t do anything stupid. It’s easy to give in to desires.. And painful to push them away while they tickle you.