I want to have a child so badly. I could have a baby.. I could support it, maintain a relationship with the father, and be the best mom ever. I want to marry my boyfriend, have his babies, and grow old together. He wants it too.. But we are so young.. His best friend may be having a baby(they aren’t sure yet). So why can’t we? My boyfriend is way more responsible and actually wants to be a dad! Why can’t we be 5 years older when it’s “okay” to reproduce?
Lately I have been paying more attention to my own body. It seems that I know my cycle like a champ. Which is driving me crazy! My sex drive really goes wild when I ovulate, and I do get extra moody before my period. Sorry if this is tmi for some, but I’m not concerned for those who can’t handle a little biology. But because of this new awareness I know the approximate time that I could get pregnant. I want a baby so much more than anything in life. And having a boyfriend who is committed to me 100% and I to him.. It makes it that much easier to make that happen. I know it’s dumb to make it happen right now.. But I can’t help what I want. We would have beautiful children too! My heart aches over this. So whenever I can get pregnant easily.. When he touches me every nerve is on end. I want to take him where he stands. But instead I push him away so I don’t do anything stupid. It’s easy to give in to desires.. And painful to push them away while they tickle you.
So I know my age. Nearly 16 and already my fair share of pregnancy scares. I think about how I’m living a life that I enjoy, but for the wrong reasons. Yet I do it anyways. And along the way we talk about getting married and being parents. So being as young as I am I have become consumed by the idea. I think about rings and dressed and baby names.. All while keeping a clear head and knowing it’s silly to fill my head with things that are so far away in my life. Am I a stupid teenager for wanting to be with him forever and start a family together? Am I just as bad as those girls on MTV? A microscopic part of me wishes to be pregnant right now with a little nugget on my finger and my man holding me when I sleep. But the rest of me knows I must wait until it is socially acceptable to even speak of such things. At least I have my hopes. And one day I’ll laugh at all the people who said we wouldn’t make it. I’ll hold up our baby like the lion king and shout to the world how we beat the odds.